Academics tend to face a lot of impostor syndrome. Something about a job with no clear criteria for success, where you could always in principle do better and you mostly only see the cleaned-up, idealized version of others’ work, is a recipe for driving people utterly insane with fear.

The way most of us talk about that fear, it can seem like a cognitive bias, like a failure of epistemology. “Competent people think they’re less competent than they are,” the less-discussed half of the Dunning-Kruger effect.

(I’ve talked about it that way before. And, in an impostor-syndrome-inducing turn of events, I got quoted in a news piece in Nature about it.)

There’s something missing in that perspective, though. It doesn’t really get across how impostor syndrome feels. There’s something very raw about it, something that feels much more personal and urgent than an ordinary biased self-assessment.

To get at the core of it, let me ask a question: what happens to impostors?

The simple answer, the part everyone will admit to, is to say they stop getting grants, or stop getting jobs. Someone figures out they can’t do what they claim, and stops choosing them to receive limited resources. Pretty much anyone with impostor syndrome will say that they fear this: the moment that they reach too far, and the world decides they aren’t worth the money after all.

In practice, it’s not even clear that that happens. You might have people in your field who are actually thought of as impostors, on some level. People who get snarked about behind their back, people where everyone rolls their eyes when they ask a question at a conference and the question just never ends. People who are thought of as shiny storytellers without substance, who spin a tale for journalists but aren’t accomplishing anything of note. Those people…aren’t facing consequences at all, really! They keep getting the grants, they keep finding the jobs, and the ranks of people leaving for industry are instead mostly filled with those you respect.

Instead, I think what we fear when we feel impostor syndrome isn’t the obvious consequence, or even the real consequence, but something more primal. Primatologists and psychologists talk about our social brain, and the role of ostracism. They talk about baboons who piss off the alpha and get beat up and cast out of the group, how a social animal on their own risks starvation and becomes easy prey for bigger predators.

I think when we wake up in a cold sweat remembering how we had no idea what that talk was about, and were too afraid to ask, it’s a fear on that level that’s echoing around in our heads. That the grinding jags of adrenaline, the run-away-and-hide feeling of never being good enough, the desperate unsteadiness of trying to sound competent when you’re sure that you’re not and will get discovered at any moment…that’s not based on any realistic fears about what would happen if you got caught. That’s your monkey-brain, telling you a story drilled down deep by evolution.

Does that help? I’m not sure. If you manage to tell your inner monkey that it won’t get eaten by a lion if its friends stop liking it, let me know!